Christmas is fast approaching and so I wanted to share with you my goal for this Christmas season.
I'd like to not shed a tear whenever I hear Silent Night.
This is easier said than done. See, seems like every year, sitting in a church pew hearing this song, it brings a tear to my eye. But now, rewind a few years back when I was with Dad for his last weeks with us.
If you knew my dad, you would know that he absolutely LOVED Christmas. Loved it. And he sang Christmas carols all year long. In public places even. Like at his office. And..well...frankly anywhere! And he didn't just sing softly under his breath. No sir...he sang with GUSTO...loud and clear for everyone to hear! And he smiled before, during and after his performance.
In his last days, there is one moment I will never forget. I was sitting with him on the couch. He had lost most of his vision...the cancer had spread to his brain. He didn't seem like Dad a lot of the time. But for one moment...there he was. Out of nowhere....in April...he began to belt out Silent Night. With a look of absolute glee and joy on his face, he smiled and sang as loud as he could. and he forgot some words, which was a sign, I knew, that his time was ending with us. But he sang and when he was done he smiled so big...waiting to see what impact his performance had on his attentive audience.
And we all smiled....and applauded his performance...and we laughed. and cried.
After his funeral, a friend of mine said she and another friend felt like standing up, during the sadness of it all, and belting out Jingle Bells. I wish they would have. He would have loved that. But we were all so sad and devastated, never did it cross our minds to sing Christmas carols..to celebrate him.
Of course now I sing and remember and smile. Most of the time. Except for Silent Night....gets me every time.
I miss my dad so much. But even more during the Christmas season. And so, my goal is to not shed a tear when I hear Silent Night. So far I haven't met my goal. But let's try again...shall we?